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​Comawork Stories


              ANGELES 🇲🇽

BACKGROUND Our departure from this world is unpredictable and sometimes unexpected, or it is announced in advance, but even so, we do not have the opportunity to say goodbye to our loved ones and there are things left unsaid or undone, usually because we do not know how to act in the face of these events. Our father's illness began since 2012 (88 years old) with small signs such as sudden mood swings, forgetfulness that we did not give them importance, little by little he was isolating himself from everything and everyone, then came the balance problems with frequent falls, the forgetfulness already more evident; after being a great conversationalist and reader little by little he was leaving all that aside. Already by 2016 with sleeping problems it was already evident that something was not right, it was in this year at his 91 years that he was diagnosed with "frontotemporal dementia" and the geriatrician told us: and get ready because it is going to get worse; and so it was, little by little he was deteriorating and entering another world different from ours and despite the treatment that followed him, it was not possible to stop the mental, physical and motor deterioration, coming to depend for everything on others, his face and his look stopped expressing, he was losing his speech and became bedridden, absent, irritable, with sleep disturbances, difficulty to understand and express himself. And almost all the time asleep, which was a problem to communicate; in this scenario Kaori suggested to apply coma work to see and find the forms of communication that are open and work on them and to be able to relate with him, so with some doubts I accepted and thought maybe it would work. Thus we began the sessions in October 2020 with relaxation exercises for the caregiver; synchronizing breathing of the patient and the caregiver in order to create an emotional connection of accompaniment and being, at the same time we had to observe if there was any response, however small it might be on his part, such as eye movements, facial expressions or words and sounds that told us that he was aware and somehow perceived us close and we could communicate by amplifying those signals; by speaking in his ear, for example hello... I am Ángeles... here I am, how are you? all synchronized with breathing, tranquility was observed on her face. In another session we used physical contact, touching and releasing synchronized with breathing: when he inhaled, I squeezed his hand, when he exhaled I released, although he was sleeping, his expression was calm, it was a soul to soul communication, without the need to speak. Session (20/11/20) Movements are applied in arms and legs, either amplifying the movements or taking the opposite to what he does; in this, the result was that in the amplification everything flowed well, but when going against he resisted, which tells us that he realizes, although he has his eyes closed and absent. Session (4/12/20) When mobilizing his arms, he pronounces loose words such as: I am cold, a lot of water, it is very cold out there, let me so I am comfortable; he gets upset if I make him uncomfortable and always with closed eyes, his answers tell us that he is aware and that the being is there and it is possible to communicate from soul to soul. Session (18/12/20) He keeps talking about "warm water", "lots of water", I talk to his ear and tell him that "everything is fine", "there is nothing to be afraid of", while I take his hands amplifying his movements, in response he opens and closes his eyes; to change his diaper he resists and gets angry, I touch him gently and talk to him in a low and soft tone, I explain him what I am going to do and only then he accepts without resistance. Sometimes he emits repetitive and loud sounds continuously, which end up exasperating me, like every expression this has a meaning, something he needs to do, I must forget how annoying they are and understand that he is expressing his accumulated energy and it is up to us to help him to get that energy out, amplifying sounds and movements. With these new forms of communication, I think he feels safe and supported by the expression on his face, and there is less anger. Session (01/29/21) One as a family would like him to get better and go back to the way he used to be, I am somewhat resistant to this. Kaori suggests me to talk to him in his ear and express my emotions and talk to him as daughter to father: "I can give me permission for you not to leave, but if your need is other, I support you" at this my father squeezes my hand opens his eyes and says: thank you daughter and go back to sleep. Session (12/02/21) During the exercise he says: "red horse", amplifying his "dream" we tell him: guide us, you are a red horse riding towards freedom, amplifying the movements and talking to his ear, his face expresses to be happy. Thus the sessions continued until April 17, 2021 applying as much as possible what we learned, little by little he was deteriorating more and more, one time he suddenly sat up in bed, when we asked him how he was, he only said: "consumatu est ()" and went back to bed and returned to his permanent sleep. Little by little, he stopped eating and drinking water, and became weaker every day, by family consensus we decided not to do anything extraordinary in terms of treatment, only to assist and accompany him with quality care and dignity to leave life and embark on his journey to freedom; finally our father died on 04/21/21 in his bed and at home in silence as when a candle is extinguished, so he flew high to freedom. Thanks to Kaori and her coma work, there are no regrets, no guilt, only gratitude, peace and tranquility, to have made a quality and warm accompaniment to our father; I took the pain and anger that produced me to see him in those conditions and transformed it into compassion and from there we rode together on his journey to freedom. I read it somewhere and I liked the phrase: "to accompany him in his natural process towards freedom is a privilege of few”.

Testimonio: MI EXPERIENCIA CON COMA WORK ANTECEDENTES Nuestra partida de este mundo es impredecible y a veces inesperada, o se anuncia con antelación, pero aun así, no tenemos la oportunidad de poder despedirnos de nuestros seres queridos y quedan cosas pendientes por decir o hacer, generalmente es por no saber cómo actuar ante estos hechos. La enfermedad de nuestro padre comenzó desde 2012 (88 años) con pequeñas señales como cambios de humor repentinos, olvidos que no les dimos importancia, poco a poco se fue aislando de todo y todos, luego vinieron los problemas de equilibrio con caídas frecuentes, los olvidos ya más evidentes; después de ser gran conversador y lector poco a poco fue dejando de lado todo eso. Ya para el 2016 con problemas para dormir ya era evidente que algo no estaba bien, fue en este año a sus 91 años que le fue diagnosticado “demencia fronto temporal” y nos dijo el geriatra: y prepárense porque se va a poner peor; así fue, poco a poco se fue deteriorando y adentrándose en otro mundo diferente al nuestro y a pesar del tratamiento que se le siguió, no fue posible detener el deterioro mental, físico y motor, llegando a depender para todo de los demás, su rostro y su mirada dejaron de expresar, fue perdiendo el habla y quedo postrado en cama, ausente, irritable, con alteraciones del sueño, dificultad para entender y expresarse. Y casi todo el tiempo dormido, lo cual era problema para poder comunicarnos; ante este panorama kaori sugirió aplicar coma work para ver y encontrar las formas de comunicación que estén abiertas y trabajar en ellas y poder relacionarnos con él, así con algunas dudas acepte y pensé tal vez funcione. Así comenzamos las sesiones en octubre 2020 se iniciaron con ejercicios de relajación para el cuidador; sincronizar respiración del paciente y el cuidador con la finalidad de crear una conexión emocional de acompañamiento y de estar, al tiempo había que ir observando si había alguna respuesta por pequeña que fuera por parte de él, como movimiento de ojos, expresiones faciales o palabras y sonidos que nos dijera que él se daba cuenta y de alguna manera nos percibía cerca y podríamos comunicarnos amplificando esas señales; al hablarle al oído, ejemplo hola... soy Ángeles... aquí estoy, ¿Cómo estás?, todo sincronizado con respiración, se observó en su rostro tranquilidad. En otra sesión se utilizó contacto físico, tocar y soltar sincronizado con respiración: al inhalar él, yo aprieto la mano, al exhalar él yo suelto, aunque él dormía, su expresión era de calma, fue una comunicación de alma a alma, sin necesidad de hablar. Sesión (20/11/20) Se aplican movimientos en brazos y piernas, ya sea amplificando los movimientos o llevando al contrario a lo que él hace; en esto, el resultado fue que en la amplificación fluyo todo bien, pero al ir en contra se resistió, lo que nos dice es que se da cuenta, aunque tenga los ojos cerrados y ausente. Sesión (4/12/20) Al movilizarle los brazos, él pronuncia palabras sueltas como: tengo frio, mucha agua, allá afuera hace mucho frio, déjame así estoy a gusto; se molesta si lo incómodo y siempre con ojos cerrados, sus respuestas dicen que se da cuenta y que el ser está ahí y es posible comunicarse de alma a alma. Sesión (18/12/20) El sigue hablando de “agua tibia”, “mucha agua”, le hablo al oído y le digo que “todo está bien”, “no hay nada que temer”, al tiempo que tomo sus manos amplificando sus movimientos, como respuesta abre y cierra los ojos; para cambiarle el pañal opone resistencia y se enoja, lo toco con suavidad y le hablo en tono bajo y suave, le explico lo que voy a hacer y solo así acepta sin resistencia. A veces emite sonidos repetitivos y fuertes de forma continua, que terminan por exasperarme, como toda expresión esto tiene un significado, algo que él necesita hacer, debo olvidarme de lo molesto que son y entender que está expresando su energía acumulada y nos corresponde ayudarlo a que saque esa energía, amplificando sonidos y movimientos. Con estas nuevas formas de comunicación creo él se siente seguro y acompañado por la expresión de su rostro, y hay menos enojos. Sesión (29/01/21) Uno como familia quisiera que él mejorara y que volviera a estar como antes, me resisto de alguna forma a esto. Kaori me sugiere hablarle al oído y expresarle mis emociones y hablarle de hija a padre: “me puedo dar permiso de que no te vayas, pero si tu necesidad es otra, yo te apoyo” ante esto mi padre aprieta mi mano abre los ojos y dice: gracias hija y vuelve a dormir. Sesión (12/02/21) Durante el ejercicio él dice: “caballo rojo”, amplificando su “sueño” le decimos: guíanos, eres caballo rojo cabalgando hacia la libertad, amplificando los movimientos y hablándole al oído, su rostro expresa estar feliz. Así continuaron las sesiones hasta el 17 de abril 2021 aplicando todo lo posible lo aprendido, poco a poco se fue deteriorando más y más, una ocasión de manera repentina se sentó en la cama, al preguntarle ¿Cómo está? el solo dijo: “consumatu est” y se volvió a acostar y regreso a su sueño permanente. Poco a poco, él dejo de comer y tomar agua, y se fue debilitando cada día mas, por consenso familiar se tomó la decisión de no hacer nada extraordinario en cuestión de tratamientos, solo asistir y acompañar con calidad de cuidados y dignidad a salir de la vida y emprender su viaje hacia la libertad; finalmente nuestro padre falleció el 21/04/21 en su cama y en su casa en silencio como cuando se apaga una vela, así voló alto hacia la libertad. Gracias a kaori y su coma work, no hay lamentaciones, ni culpas, solo agradecimiento, paz y tranquilidad, de haber efectuado un acompañamiento de calidad y con calidez a nuestro padre; tome el dolor y enojo que me producía verlo en esas condiciones y lo transforme en compasión y desde ahí cabalgamos juntos en su viaje hacia la libertad. Lo leí por ahí y me gusto la frase: “acompañar en su proceso natural hacia la libertad, es un privilegio de pocos”.


             KARO 🇯🇵

In the palliative ward where my father spent the last three weeks of his life, he was allowed to visit even during the COVID19 disaster, and we were able to spend about an hour together almost every day in the hospital room where I dropped by after work. When we were still able to talk on a daily basis immediately after his transfer to the palliative ward, I asked him about specific wishes, such as arrangements for his grave and the disposal of his long-time cherished Shinto altar, as well as about his childhood memories, episodes in his life, and recent dreams he had. Perhaps due to the prescription of strong painkillers for the terminal stage of bile duct cancer, I gradually got the impression that he was in a half-dream world even when he was able to talk, and his somnolence and dazed state of consciousness increased. I still vividly recall the sensation of fluttering steps toward the parking lot at sunset after leaving my father's hospital room, enveloped by a strange energy. In process-oriented psychology, childhood dreams and memories are considered to be blueprints for a person's life. My earliest memory of my life is of waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of my parents quarreling and sitting quietly on my grandfather's lap at the age 1~2 years old. My parents had been at odds for as long as I can remember, and their divorce was finalized when I moved to Tokyo for college. Compared to my maternal grandparents, who were compassionate, service-oriented people, my father seemed extremely self-asserting and ego-centered, and it was hopeless for me to share his values. The distance between my father and me, which I had been keeping since adolescence in marked rebellion against him, did not change even after I returned to Japan with my husband and eldest son after living abroad for more than 12 years. When my father was diagnosed with stage 4 bile duct cancer at the same time I was taking care of my grandmother at home, I persuaded my mother so that my father would move to a separate wing of the house, offering specific conditions that would allow us to live at a reasonable distance from each other. After months of hospitalization and treatment, my father moved in and became unexpectedly healthy. Even during the three years that he spent at his own pace while undergoing outpatient treatment, our relationship did not improve significantly, as we clashed on several occasions over mutual non-negotiables. Shortly after his 81st birthday in September of the year of his death, he became ill while driving and was taken to the emergency room, where he stayed until November 20, except for a half day when he was allowed to go home temporarily. I am deeply grateful to the warm medical staff for not only relieving my father's physical pain, but also for warmly attending to his story and providing a place for him to stay for the last days of his life. When I met my father in the palliative ward in a different state of consciousness from his daily life, I found that behind his strong and self-centered attitude, I could see emotions that had been left behind in his childhood when the air raids on Tokyo during World War II completely changed the family life, and I saw that deep down in his heart, a prayer for abundance itself was still alive. There were several events that I witnessed. As he became more and more dazed, I continued to engage him through the basic skills of coma work, going down to where he was, speaking to him, and supporting him by picking up on his physical tendencies and subtle movements. This shared time of feeling deep empathy and connection with my father, accepting his entire "life," was one of the greatest gifts of my life and a new benchmark for understanding human nature, although I am not entirely free of sadness that I did not reach such a relationship with my father when he was still healthy. It became one of the greatest gifts of my life and a new indicator of my understanding of human nature. The human perspective of Process-Oriented Psychology, based on depth psychology, emphasizes the importance of consciously taking on the roles in which we function on a daily basis, while experientially awakening to our individuality and inherent power that "sleeps" in the vast ocean of depths (personal and collective unconscious) beneath the continent of consciousness, and through this, " We support the rediscovery of the meaning of life. When we are in a "special state of consciousness," we may say that we are open to the possibility of self-identifying with a deeper wholeness (the essence of our being) and a sense of self that we could not live with before, in our internal experiences (visual or auditory). The training I have received over the past four years of coma work has included a review of my own life, moving fluidly back and forth along this vertical axis of consciousness with the light of "awareness," which has enabled me to encounter the essence of my father in a way that was not easily possible in the relationship between "roles" within the fixed family system. I think this made it possible for me to encounter the essence of my father, which could not be easily accommodated in the fixed relationship between "roles" in the family system. The night before he passed away, when I visited him in his hospital room after finishing work, he seemed to be sleeping, but I felt that he had firmly received my words that "we are all together, connected like a mala or a string of prayer beads," which came to my mind as I spoke to him starting from the breathing together of the coma work. I vividly remember supporting his hands as if he was praying, his arms rose so light above his head and changed to a gesture of stretching toward the heavens, and when he seemed to untie the knot of his jacket and take it off, I told him, "You can take it (the body) off now. The next day, when I had no break at work giving psychological consultations whole day, just as the last session finished and my client stood up, his doctor called on my cell phone and told me that he was about to stop breathing. When we arrived at the hospital, a five-minute drive away, my father was still warm as he lay there, then I said to him, "I know you waited for me to finish work schedule of the day." and could express my gratitude and sympathy. After the family funeral, my father's love and compassion continued to reach me in the form of rainbows that suddenly appeared, the moon that continued to accompany him on his downpour journey home, sunlight that broke through the clouds, and words that appeared like inspiration among his left belongings. I believe that when we meet each other in deeper level as an extreme state of consciousness including coma, our daily level conflicts and wounded relationships are wrapped up and brought deep healing. My last hours with my father also healed my parent-child relationship conflicts and the resulting hurt from my childhood in a totally unexpected way. This has supported my desire to offer Process-Oriented Coma Work to help family and friends in the process of coma, dementia, and end-of-life care, to be close to their loved one's special state of consciousness, to connect with them on a deeper level than before, and to live with them in a transformation that transcends life and death. We support your desire to connect with your loved ones at a deeper level than before and help them to live a transformation beyond life and death together.

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